In the Watches of the Night

I sat at the computer and swallowed down the despair building up within me. Tears choked me like a hot stone in my throat, burned against my eyes, pressed down hard on my chest.

“Breathe,” I told myself. “Your kids are going to walk in here any minute, and you don’t want to scare them. Just breathe.”

I know the Lord is with me, He loves me, and He is for me. But in that moment, there was a serious battle going on and my flesh was winning out over my spirit. The lies of this world were loud, and I couldn’t help but ask, “Do You still see me, Lord? Because the last three weeks have been hard and I am weary. I need You, Lord. Do you see me?”

My phone indicated a text had come through and–thankful for a distraction–I snatched it up.

“You and Richard have been on our hearts and minds a lot lately. Trust our Savior is holding you up. Would love to hear how you are and hear your sweet voice if you have time.”

I blinked. How did she know? She must have seen a recent blog post and because God is in the details, she chose that moment of need to reach out. I slipped out to the garage and sat in my car to talk to her in private (tricks you learn when you’re a homeschooling mother with a retired husband at home). She picked up right away and as we got down to the conversation, I mentioned that she must have seen my post about Richard’s MS diagnosis.

“No, I didn’t,” she said, surprised. “I’ve just been praying for you a lot lately. The Lord keeps waking me up at night to get on my knees and pray for you…”

I sat in the quiet of my car and choked back a sob, turning that sentence over and over in my spirit “…waking me up at night…to pray for you…”

I am in awe of our precious Lord, my friends.

In recent years, we have had friends face very real and difficult challenges. For many of them, I have had just such an experience–waking in the night with these dear ones so heavy on my heart that I knew I was being called to pray for them. Each and every night like this has been a holy blessing to me. In my friends’ darkness, our gracious, loving Father called me to be part of His ministering to them. There is truly nothing more beautiful than to be alone with Jesus in the stillness of night loving on your friends in the best way you can.

I’ve often thought of how precious it is that Jesus loves my friends so dearly that He is about the business of loving on them through all the watches of day and night. And in His grace, He lets us see glimpses of that by calling us into His work. It’s truly a merciful thing.

And He did such a thing for me? The least of His people? Oh, my heart cannot contain the blessings He has poured out upon me. Grace upon grace.

He sees. He knows that we are but dust. He knows our flesh is fragile, that the trials of this life are heavy indeed. This is not our home and one day all will be made right. Until then, lean into those promises and embrace the glimpses of the fellowship and joy that is to come.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18