I Know This God

“The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist…” Acts 17:24-28

I’ve been in this place before. So have thousands of people through thousands of years. A place of waiting and watching for answers to an unsure future.

It’s holy ground; I recognize that, even as I feel silly saying it. But no matter the circumstance—praying over a rebellious child, pleading for the healing of a loved one, asking for guidance in life decisions—every circumstance that brings us to a place of total dependency on our Creator is holy ground.

Even if it’s something as ordinary as moving.

Three years ago, my husband and I sold our first home. We wanted to sell and rent my parents’ house from them while they were out of state for a year. The plan was to sell our house to pay off a few things, then settle in for a year of my husband working as much overtime as he could get his hands on so we could save up a down payment for our next house. We sold our house, moved in to my parents’ place…and what we would find years later to be MS flared up in my husband so quickly and severely that he was forced into medical retirement.

So…Plan B.

We spent the year, not saving as we intended, but watching in awe as the Lord provided for our most basic needs time and time again. Not extra, but enough. Always, we thought that we would have a four-month warning before my parents were to move home and need their house back. Instead, they called one day and said they would be back in just a week. They were led by the Lord to make this decision–I believe we have had more time with my Mom because of that decision and I in no way harbor bitterness for it. It was all God’s timing and plan.

Still…Plan C.

In the year since we had sold our home, the local market had exploded. To get a home we would fit in would suddenly cost much more and the market around us was extremely competitive. We were told to rent, to buy whatever came on the market as soon as possible without looking, to buy something—anything–we could, without being picky and just make do. None of those options were what the Lord was putting on our hearts. So we looked carefully for a home—pulled taut between anxiety and peace. Before long, we found our home and we were in awe of what the Lord had set aside for us. A beautiful new place on a quiet street in a town we love. Every morning for weeks I came downstairs and let out a gusty sigh before saying, “I love this house.” The Lord even surprised me with a secret desire of my heart the following spring–lilac bushes planted in our front yard by the builders.

Since we moved twice in just over a year, we also said repeatedly that we were never moving again. And then MS took more of a toll. Our home is a two story with the bedrooms and showers upstairs and, as my husband likes to say, “all the food downstairs.” A few months after we moved in, he admitted to me, “I don’t think we’re staying here long. These stairs are going to be a problem.”

I asked what time frame he was thinking. He was certain it would be years—possibly ten.

Well, turns out MS is a jerk. The stairs became a problem much, much faster than we anticipated. When he was officially diagnosed, I read everything I could on the subject. It’s a resounding theme that MS patients long for or seek out one level homes pretty early on in the game. Stairs are a folly for the extreme fatigue they’re dealing with. Mr’s symptoms are hitting him most in the eyes and legs, so falling down them is just as much a concern as the exhaustion of having to climb them. Even after medication, his symptoms aren’t expected to go away, only to slow down their progress. Stairs will always be a problem.

We’ve had people say that it was unwise to move into this home, knowing that Richard dealt with fatigue and muscle weakness. I would agree, but we truly were led by the Lord and this home has been a blessing. We didn’t know stairs would be a problem so soon. The Lord did, and still He led us here. Only He knows why; and we trust Him.

Last week we had a realtor over to discuss the sale of our home. The market has continued to grow and that’s good news on the selling side. But as we look, ever so casually, for a home to buy…it’s easy to fall into despair. We have been priced out of this market and all I see is us taking a huge step back as far as real estate goes. We will be paying much, much more, for much, much less. Our needs are very specific, as well as our wants. Those lines are easy to blur and it will take a loving Father to keep us in line with His wisdom.

Every step of the way, it seems moving and being in a home that would fit our family is less and less of a possibility. At first I was overwhelmed. Honestly, I still am at times. But, I know my God. At risk of being dramatic, I often think of the Israelites in one of their moments of complete hopelessness. I imagine them there in the desert, the sun hot and unrelenting on their faces. Wind whipping the sand against their legs and stinging their eyes. The elements they could handle; it was the vast sea before them that wouldn’t be appreciated at that time for its beauty. Not with an army of Egyptians bearing down upon them. The sea had become the enemy.

Surely, they felt trapped and in great despair. They had no idea what God was up to. Certainly, they had watched as He displayed his great power and freed them from captivity. But there they were, all odds against them and questioning everything they had ever been told of Almighty God.

Then the wind began to blow.

It blew all night and they watched—surely in complete, indescribable disbelief—as the sea broke in two. As water piled up on either side as if a line had been drawn saying, “Here is where you will stop.” Did the waters slam against that invisible wall? I’ve never seen the sea be still, so I can’t help but imagine a raging, whirling mass—contained by a powerful force.

As I said, it’s dramatic, but I feel like those Israelites, backed up against odds that can’t possibly change. Our chances are slim. The advantage I have over the ancestors of our faith is hindsight. I know this God of mine. I know what He can do. And I know that the wind has already begun to blow. He will rescue us and redeem us and set us within the borders He has already established for us.

I’ve asked Him to move on our behalf. I’ve asked that He set that wind to blow. I can’t wait to see how He does it.

We will not rush or panic. We understand that if God has a home for us-no one else can have it. We don’t have to strive or worry. The odds are stacked against us, but those odds haven’t met our God–yet 😉 Again, can’t wait to see what He does.